Searching for Love?
How to find true love ...
... And laugh at our mistakes in the process!
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Cheating. Tempted to Cheat?There's a lot of fuss out there, almost an unavoidable noise from a lot of ill-informed people that, maybe, the answer to cheating is to abandon the idea that we are supposed to be monogamous. That we are supposed to have multiple partners and that monogamy (one partner only for life) is not a natural occurrence amongst humans. Only wolfs and other animals do it.
Well, that would explain a lot, wouldn't it? It would explain our divorce rate, our tendency to go from relationship to relationship, and the ease with which we fall in and out of love. But it's not that simple, not at all! Let me tell you first of all that I am in no way judgemental. We do what we do because it's the best we can do with the life knowledge we have (from experience or otherwise). I was once 'the other woman' so I am in now way a puritan preaching from a pedestal. However, unless all you want is sex with lots of different people, one partner for life IS the most satisfying way to live your emotional life. I have learnt this through therapy, from research and studies, and from experience. Why? 1 - Because it's a common human need, that of being loved, understood, supported and encouraged. Any dream you may have, any place you may want to go visit, will become so much more enjoyable if you share it with someone. Basically, happiness is only true happiness if shared, ideally with your life-long partner who knows you and has encouraged you all along to find yourself and your dreams. 2 - Because we can only truly learn about ourselves and grow (therefore expand our ways in which we can be happy) through a deep, healthy, committed relationship in which we are ourselves but also in which we are challenged to grow, thus becoming a better person, better able to understand and experience happiness. This type of excellent relationship is called EVOLVING RELATIONSHIP and is what we all, deep down, seek and definitely what we all need. Our capacity to be in this kind of relationship depends on our own capacity to love and be loved. Don't get me wrong. If you are in an abusive or toxic relationship you must get our or at the very least seek therapy. But the need of affairs or multiple partners for the sake of it suggests an inability and an unwillingness to fully understand oneself and what love truly is and, instead, 'put a band-aid' over the issues and carry on on a very shallow level for the sake of maintaining ignorance and denial. This type of 'pathology' is often found in those who far too often fall in and out of love throughout their adult lives, the high of falling in love and avoiding the big issue of learning to love.
Why do I feel tempted? click here | |
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