1. Remember the initial sparkle between you. Daily life can be quite love-destroying sometimes. Arguing over money, stressing over so many practical things, work, balancing your bank account, dealing with in-laws, bad bosses and, of course, worrying about the children (if you have any) or running around taking care of them, are all activities which can easily erode those feelings of being in love with each other that prompted you to marry or to enter a long-term, exclusive relationship.  So, it is essential that you both find a way to remember, every day, what you really loved about each other when you were dating.  It can be anything and it can be remembered in many ways (photos, audio, video, something artistic you made, the difference you make in society (such as awards, articles etc), how kind and loving your partner is (to you or society or animals), and so on.  Whatever made you fall for him/her, it’s something you need to remember every day. It could be the way they smile, even, in which case a photo capturing that magic smile will be enough, as long as you can see it every day. It’s an exercise you need to do every day, both of you, so that daily life won’t allow you to forget the great person you are married to or the great person you are in a relationship with.

5. Respect each other’s differences and learn to live with them. You will never find the perfect partner who thinks exactly the way you do, who does things exactly the way you do, who loves in the exact same way you love.  So, the secret is to find someone with whom you share zeniths (those issues which you can never compromise on, such as one person hating violence in all its aspects and the other person undertaking violent sports or violent leisure’ activities – or one person needing to go out partying every night and the other needing plenty of peaceful, one-to-one home time). Besides zeniths, you will both have to learn to respect each other’s differences and learn to accept them. If your husband makes a mess in the bathroom when he showers and can’t help it, you may have to learn to live with it a bit; after all, it’s only a little bit of mess, isn’t it?  Similarly, if you want to wear slacks in the house and he has a fantasy about you running around in a bikini and high-heels, he will soon have to adapt and accept that his fantasy is just a fantasy and that you prefer to be comfortable in your own home, at least most of the time!  Having said that, it is a good idea to indulge in each other’s fantasies occasionally, as long as you are both comfortable with them.

6.  Your own little cash reserve. It’s good to have a joint account for all the joint expenses and beyond.  However, it may be a good idea to keep a little bit of money aside and place it in your own separate account.  This is for the occasional, ‘crazy’ expense you may want to indulge yourself in without the overall household resources and without having the feeling you need to ask permission for it. 

7.  Indulge in spontaneous intimacy.  Reserving a set time of the day (or of the week!) for intimacy may work for some, but if it does not work you may have to try to be prepared for whenever the right moment arises.  Intimacy is not only physical, but it can also be emotional and psychological.  Sex is great but don’t put too much pressure on the relationship by expecting it to be always as ‘wild’ or as frequent as it was at the beginning.  Fantasies always help; spontaneity will help too, such as a ‘quickly’ in the car whilst you are driving through a fabulous, secluded spot.  Whatever works for you; however, make sure it works for both of you and not just one of you. 

Highly effective ways to re-create the ‘in-love’ feeling you used to have for each other are explained on RECREATE THE SPARKLE.

Rate your relationship:  is it made to last, just average or down-right bad?  Find out on RATE YOUR RELATIONSHIP.