Successfully Searching for Love
Are you
'in love' but 'in pain' as well?
You may have been searching for love in the wrong places or with the wrong outlook. Wise up your
love search! Here are some tools to make sure you find and keep true love.
Are you suffering from unrequited love and
you're finding it hard to get over him or her? Do your love
searches often lead you to someone who does not seem to reciprocate your feeelings, at least not as you would
like? Do you often ask yourself 'does he/she love
me'? Does it seem as if those who are romantically interested in you are just not as attractive, not as
interesting, not as sexy as you wish they were?
or
Do your relationships often end in painful
break-ups and you are finding it hard to get over him or her?
Do you look at your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse and wonder what on earth you saw in him/her in the first
place? Do you wish you could be with someone else? Are you thinking about resuming your love search
whilst still in a relationship? If you are falling out of love with someone you still care about
you may wish to quickly skip to here.
Has your love searching entailed a string of
painful relationships which seem to all end up catastrophically? Has he/she dumped you and you don't even
know what happened? For these 2 circumstances, you may wish to immediately skip to here. Are you still waiting by the phone for
him/her to call? Or, have you dumped him/her in disgust? (Well, it's strong word, but you know what I
mean...)
Does your love-life consist of TV and a meal
alone? Talking to yourself or the characters on TV? (If you do this often you may wish to see a psychologist no
matter what... !)
Are you looking for someone different,
unique someone you would define as soulmate, but just can't quite find him/her? Are you day-dreaming
about the love of your life?
What's going
on? I have
shared this frustration with you for many years. My love life has been all of the above and
more. I have had bad love
relationships, worse relationships and... No relationship! I have spent hours, days, months longing for
that elusive person who never seemed to quite reciprocate my feelings (at least not the way I expected or had
envisaged); I spent so much time trying to find out what to do, how to attract him, how to 'fully' win his
heart, or just how to seduce him... And I succeeded too!
I learnt all the 'tricks' out
there, tested them and tried them all; I devoted so much time and energy to those 'projects of
seductions' that I became almost an expert in it all. But, ironically, after all those 'conquests', I
was still searching for love; because each of those relationships were painful, one way or the other. None of them
were as they should be. None of them were happy, really. Not truly
happy.
One of my counselors/therapists told me that, if I could amass all the days, months,
years spent trying to attract and seduce this or the other man, and direct all that energy onto something else, I
could have been president today! Or a movie star! Well, maybe not quite, I say, but I could have achieved a lot
more of what I wanted to achieve much more quickly!
It's no joke.
I wish I had known what I know now. I
would not have wasted so much precious time and, above all, I would not have been in pain. And, before going
on, let's clarify that being in pain emotionally does not always translate into tearful nights tossing and turning
in your bed and a mountain of handkerchiefs scattered all over your home. No. It can often translate
into many unhealthy habits, or just into mere apathy. The way our mind tries to cope with emotional pain can
be very deceptive.
A great book about
love reviewed here
A list of great self-help material is here
I finally became so increasingly fed up
with it all that I decided it was time for a radical change. I therefore saw a list of therapists, some of
them quite awful (see my page on counseling), most mediocre and one excellent; I even saw a life coach
and one hypnotist! I read all the best books, listened to the best mp3s, watched the best videos on how to find
love, success, how to find happiness, and a huge amount of literature, audio and videos on love, on searching for
love the right way, the wrong way and the 'no-way'... I studied, read, reflected, listened and watched.
Does he love you? Find out here
Does
she love You? Find out here
And then, something happened. I began to
succeed. I began to see results. In everything. I began to be happy consistently. It wasn't
overnight, but it happened bit by bit in a flow of wonders and almost magic. It wasn't this shrink, or that
counsellor, or that particular book that helped me. Maybe it was a combination of all. As if my brain
learnt to filter the useless, the babble, the cliches and processed whatever was really helpful. I began to
feel much happier much more consistently.
So, I have decided to share all I have learnt, from research, from
counselling, from my own experiences, with you in a practical, simple way so that hopefully you can use at
least parts of it as a helpful tool to make better, healthier decisions whilst searching for love, leading to
a much better type of love. Let me reassure you of this:
I am no longer in pain
I have learnt to be happy and to find love in
the RIGHT places. I have learnt the right attitude to searching for love and creating success in my emotional
life (and in other aspects of my life too).
I want to share with you the ugly mess,
the ridiculous mess, the comic side and... The learning, the enlightenment, the practical steps that are keeping me
happy and helping me to improve in all aspects of life. I will try and be as simple, as practical as
possible, whilst passing on the most important lessons I have learnt through therapy , experience, books, audio,
videos.
Don't miss my page
on 'falling in love'. It includes a simple checklist and some advice I wish
I'd heard and assimilated a long time ago, when I kept searching for love in the wrong places and with the wrong
attitude! If you are rushing, that's the page I'd read first.
If
you are falling OUT of love or your partner is, read here
Let's wise up and
become skilled in searching for love! First of all, if you wish to learn how to search for love, click
here
Are you with a Narcissist? Click here.
Are you suffering from Emotional Dependency? Find out by
clicking here.
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