How to Get Over Him or Her;  How to Get over a Breakup or Unrequited Love

If you are the type of person who has difficulty getting over your ex or your unrequited love interest, you're not alone and there is NOTHING wrong with you. Let's make this clear. It's just about your psychological make-up, your upbringing, and your experiences. What makes you so 'stubborn' also makes you loyal, for example, and loyalty is a wonderful trait your future, much more suitable partner will cherish and appreciate fully.

Knowing that you don't have to rush to a mental institution does not, unfortunately, make the process of getting over someone any easier. Whether you are trying to get over someone because your love for them is not reciprocated or because you broke up, it can be a very hard and long process. It can be excruciating.

Of course, the first thing I would suggest (but the goal of this page is to focus on what to do if you can't do this 'first thing') is to go to a good therapist. I had suffered for a long time trying to get over my ex and I just couldn't do it within a time frame which would allow me to have a life at some point! So I eventually decided that I needed help in this.  It was the best decision I ever made! It took 2 sessions and I was completely, permanently over this person. No tricks, no hypnosis, nothing out of the ordinary. But he (my therapist) just changed my prospective enough to allow me to 'see' and - for the first time - truly 'feel' how I was doing myself a real disservice by continuing this agonizing 'obsession'. I only wished I had gone to therapy sooner!

However, if therapy is not a choice for you, the following steps, if followed with commitment, will prove very useful: 

1 - You need to change your point of reference from 'the other' to yourself. Some people make their 'other half' their emotional (and even psychological) point of reference, for reasons that a therapist could explore (too long to explore here); these people have a much harder time getting over someone. So, the strategy in this case is about re-training oneself to take care of oneself first, emotionally, psychologically, even physically. It's a good idea to take care of your body as first, easy step: it helps your psyche 'heal' faster and trains your brain that YOU are important. 

2 - Then, start doing things you really love (hobbies, following your dreams, best friends etc) and devote your energy to these areas of your life. Avoid thinking of him or her in any way. Do not reminisce, do not wonder what you could have done differently etc. Just do not think about him or her. When find yourself thinking about him/her just fight it and immediately focus on something else. If needs be, only focus on his/her negative sides and NEVER think of the positive ones; this is very important because your mind will try to trick you into thinking more positively about him or her in a way that does not reflect reality. One day when you are healed and completely over him/her, you will be able to reminisce in a balanced way. For now, take him/her out of your head! 

3 - Constantly concentrate on the fact that you deserve someone who truly loves you, someone able and willing to show you his/her feelings and caring in many ways, consistently and constructively. Focus on how this new, loving person will actually love those very traits of yours that your current love interest seems to detest or simply ignore and devalue.

4 - Begin to imagine what it will feel like when you finally meet someone who loves you completely. Concentrate on how it will feel, not being hurt every hour but rather feeling encouraged, supported, loved, appreciated, cherished. Then, remember that you deserve all of this and that the person capable of sharing this with you really exists!  Forthe new love to come into your life you must get over your current, painful love interest.  So, the quicker the better!

5 - Remember that romantic love is only love when it's MUTUAL. Otherwise it's projection, idealization, displacement etc, but not love.  Read an example of the latter on 'Love Search Traps' and more on this subject on 'Fall in love with Awareness'. 

6 - Always remember: the faster you get over him or her, the faster your heart will be open to a new, much better love.  So, the only obstacle to your successfully searching and finding true love is this painful 'obsession' that you need to overcome.

 7 - Remember that unrequited love (or a painful break-up) is not a tragedy but rather a blessing for your love life.  It's an opportunity to grow, to understand oneself better, to become a better person and therefore be able of receiving and giving true love.  You will, if you allow yourself, grow to a better understanding of what searching for love really entails.  If you found this page useful, let it know by clicking below (thank you):

What is a true soul mate? Find out here.

A great book about love reviewed here

A list of great self-help material is here

Help from alternative medicine:  How Ignatia can help you get over someone (unrequited love, painful love or a break-up) in a matter of hours. Click here to find out more.

Are you suffering from Emotional Dependency? Find out here.

What is a true soul mate? Find out here.

A great book about love reviewed here

A list of great self-help material is here

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